Dear Psychosis, I just need someone to relate to

 

Dear Psychosis,

    I just need someone to relate to. When I first found out about my psychosis, no one could understand what I was going through. I couldn't explain to someone what seeing hallucinations felt like because they have never had to experience it. They just don't quite grasp it. It's not their fault. I'm glad they have never experienced psychosis - after all it can be terrifying! But because it's so scary, and some days never-ending, I just need someone who knows exactly what I'm going through. I need someone who can say I believe you are seeing those things, smelling those phantom smell, and hearing those things in the back of your mind. They may not be real to anyone else, but they are very real to the person experiencing them.

Why don't we talk about it? Truth is, most people know someone who has dealt with psychosis before. Psychosis can be caused by many different things such as depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, being on certain drugs, etc...  If we all started talking about it, we could help someone we didn't even know who struggles with it. 

The Stigma. To be honest, it really gets under my skin when someone says "end the stigma," because although it would be good to talk about these things and have the stigma go away, I don't want to be taken advantage of. I don't want my words to be twisted and have no one believe me because of my mental illness. I want to be a strong person who everyone wants to be around. I need that interaction and I crave it. But when will I stand out? Who will I stand out in front of? How do I know I'm safe?

Personally, I am slowly letting people know I experience psychosis. I don't share my diagnosis. No one ever needs to know that if I don't want to share it with them. I just remember that psychosis is a side effect, not a disease. By letting others know, I might reach someone who needs me as much as I need them. It's ok to talk about it, especially with people we feel safe with. It's ok to talk about our struggles. I know it's easy to say to ourselves that I am weird or odd. In fact, we all are a little weird in our own ways - no one is perfect. You wouldn't ask a person who has bad cholesterol not to talk to others about their struggle. So why can't we talk about our struggles? Mental health is so, so Important, and some mental health diseases will never go away. We shouldn't have to hide away because we are a little different. We should find the beauty in others. Sometimes our weakness is what has built us, made us stronger and who we are today.

I never want anyone to feel alone, because I know how it feels. Loneliness can be a dark, damp place. I need that light and warmth as I struggle. I just need someone to relate to.

"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."

- Mother Teresa