Dear Psychosis, We aren't all monsters

 Dear Psychosis,

    We aren't all monsters. People with psychosis get a bad rap. When some people think about certain mental disorders, they expect to see someone inside a padded room strapped into a straitjacket and completely out of their mind. I know people think this way, because this is how I also used to think. I've struggled with letting that stigma go in my head. How will people perceive me? Are they thinking about what I'm going to do next, or maybe wondering if I'm hearing or seeing something right now? Or are they wondering if I'm going to harm myself or others? I want to tell them that yes, there are some people experiencing a psychotic episode who can't grasp reality in the moment. This can be very scary, and these people just need help. 

When I first got my diagnosis, I thought I was a freak. I was worried about what my family would do. Would I be treated with kid gloves from now on? I was also worried that people would think I wasn't fit to be the mother my daughter needs. I think this thought was heavier at the time than I could really handle. How would I be a good wife? I mean, we said through sickness and health, but is that how it really works? Would my husband love me less? I felt as if I had a sign around my neck that said "handle with caution and don't look it in the eyes". I can definitely see why people don't fully understand what psychosis really is. It can be very scary, but we are just people who need a little extra love and understanding. We don't need to be hidden away like the Phantom of the Opera.

Oh man, I have had my moments! When you're interacting with someone in the middle of a severe episode of psychosis, it's scary for not only them, but for everyone around them as well. So how can I be helpful? Ask for professional, medical help. I know in some cases, the person might be resistant, because of paranoia or the voices in their head telling them they shouldn't get help. I personally struggle with taking medicine, so I completely understand this can be hard. Through therapy and learning healthy coping skills, I have gotten a lot better about this.

We can't just be thrown away. I have heard people say that suffering from a mental illness is like being addicted to a drug and that we will only hurt our loved ones over and over again. That we will always go back to being out of touch with reality. That really bothered me, because I didn't ask to take psychosis on. It was simply part of the hand that was dealt to me. We don't strive to hurt others; we honestly think what we do while in psychosis is based in reality. 

Some of us even have insight. When I am not deep into an episode of psychosis, I have insight. I know that what I'm seeing isn't real. I know my paranoia isn't possible because that's not "reality". If I ever question anything, I just ask the people I'm with questions like "do you smell that? Do hear that? Did you see that?" That's one of my coping skills.

I have come to realize that I'm not a monster. Do I have extremely bad days? Absolutely. Can I cause harm to myself or others? Most definitely. That's when I need my community the most. It's ok to ask for help and not feel like a freak doing so. We are not as big and bad as most people think, we shouldn't be thrown out like trash. Please don't give up on us, we are not MONSTERS.