Dear Psychosis,
You don't define me...
Ever feel like the situations you find yourself in basically define who you are (like being a stay-at-home mom, or Johnny's big brother, or a preacher's kid), when really, you are so much more than that? That you are something completely different once people get to know you? I feel this way with psychosis sometimes. I don't want people to look at me and think "oh, there's the girl who sees things." I want people to love my personality and the positive parts that make me a real human being. I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother, and friend. I can be funny, caring, kind, and yes, sometimes a little weird.
People with psychosis struggle enough just trying to be part of society. It's hard when you experience things that other people don't (this is why it's important to talk about these things). We all deal with things that others might find odd or not normal. For example, someone might drive the ugliest car that is barely being held together with duct tape. But that doesn't define them. People don't say there's the person who drives that ugly car.
Is Psychosis a part of me? Unfortunately, yes, it is. I wish I could say it's going away any day now. Psychosis just plain sucks sometimes. But I don't want it to take over my life. I feel like this is where counting my blessings comes in. Looking to what has made me stronger and what I'm thankful for. "How can you be thankful for Psychosis?" The fact is, I'm NOT thankful for psychosis, but it has taught me many things and continues to educate me. A few of the things that psychosis has taught me include the fact it's ok to take a break, that stepping away is not a big deal, that selfcare is very important, that the people who surround me are my true friends who love me very much, that honesty is so important, and that patience is humbling. I am also thankful for the people who could have left. My husband could have dropped me a long time ago, my twin sister could have just closed the door on our relationship, my friends could have stopped spending time with me. I am forever grateful to these people for still being here.
I know most people are kind and caring (at least the people I come into contact with). But there are also those who are downright stinkers. There are also people with psychosis who are stinkers as well. None of us are perfect. I know the world is not marshmallows, rainbows and butterflies. There are cruel and nasty people out there in our world. Some of those people deep down are hurting over their circumstances - bad relationships, poverty, lack of family support, bad habits - the list goes on and on. I think all of us could use someone who is simply understanding. Someone that will listen and maybe even help us work through our problems.
I want to leave a legacy of hope, kindness, and for being a strong woman. Although people will know I have psychosis, it will not consume who I am. Psychosis will not define me.
"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition."
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